Morty the Lobster Words and music by Lynn Gold © 1998, 2003Am There once lived a lobster named Morty the Lobster E Who dwelled on the floor of the ocean E7 He fed on whatever was in his direction Am As long as it wasn’t in motion He lived there for years happ’ly crawling and eating Dm Till he stupidly crawled in a cage Am A door snapped behind him; the trap started moving E E7 When it came to the surface, he clawed out in rage [Chorus] A You will spare the life of Morty the Lobster E Who’d want to eat something so vicious? E7 With eight spindly legs and those twitching antennas A How can he be very delicious? You want to put Morty back into the ocean E Instead, try some crab with drawn butter E7 You will spare the life of Morty the Lobster Am He’d say, if a lobster could utter [Spoken: “Of course, lobsters can’t talk, so it’s all moot.”] Instead, they put Morty into an aquarium With seven or eight other lobsters The tank’s population kept growing...and going... As patrons kept placing their orders For four or five weeks no one came to get Morty Till a party of ten craved crustacean They carried him out on a large silver platter But when told 26 bucks a pound didn’t take him A Oh, please spare the life of Morty the Lobster E Who’d want to send Morty to heaven? E7 At seven pounds, add in the tax, and he costs more A Than one hundred ninety and seven Please put that poor lobster back into the ocean E Instead, we’ll have crab with drawn butter E7 Oh, please spare the life of Morty the Lobster Am The patrons decided to utter [Spoken: “Obviously the story isn’t over yet....”] A woman walked in and saw Morty the Lobster Alone in the tank he kept cleaning She had lots of money and she wanted seafood When Morty gave “seafood” new meaning [spoken: “Seafood -- eat food”] They carried him out on a large silver platter But they slipped, and he fell on the floor The waiter said, “Oops! For half off you can have him.” [pause] “I’ll take him” she said, and he was no more! A Please bring me a platter with Morty the Lobster E When cooked, he no longer looks vicious E7 With eight spindly legs and those twitching antennas A He’s bound to be very delicious? Please saute his claws with some garlic and ginger E The rest of him, serve with drawn butter E7 And when she was done eating Morty the Lobster A E A She asked, “Does he have a brother?”