Beware of the Sentient Chili
Words and music by Chris Weber


  Dm
Beware of the sentient chili
 C             Am          Dm
Which burbles away on your stoves.
    Dm
The peppers are silently plotting
C               Am          Dm
With legumes, tomatoes, and cloves.
Gm                               Dm
At night when you're comf'rtably sleeping
    C                   F Gm
And lie unaware in your beds
    Dm
The vegetables plan insurrection.
    C           Am          Dm
The lettuce are seeking new heads.

It may start with slight indigestion
From underdone turnip cake crumbs.
Frustration in several world leaders
Whose rice seems to stick to their gums.
In kitchens across every nation
The tiniest things will go wrong.
The plot of the sentient chili
Strikes Moscow and Rome and Hong Kong.

The casserole, spinach, and cheesecake
Lend quiet support to the scheme.
The nerves of a planet are stretched thin,
While tempers start slowly to steam.
Still none see the grand machinations
Now tilting world balance awry.
The stage set for final disaster
The chili sits back with a sigh.

Then one day the conflict is started
By gen'rals whose lunches were odd.
The mushrooms rejoice as their brothers
Stalk city to city like God.
When dust and all clamor are settled,
There's not a soul left from the fray.
The sentient chili just chuckles
And happily simmers away.