3-In-1 Shampoo Words by Edric McKinney © 15 July 2025 TTTO 307 Ale by Tom SmithC F C Dm G C There’s many ways to clean an ass in every land on earth C F C D G Your showers, hot springs, public baths can wash away the dirt F Em Dm G G7 There’s creams and lotions, oils and soaps, and balms and rich perfumes C F C Dm G C But none can ever beat Nicaean 3-in-1 shampoo! Am Em 3-in-1 shampoo, me lads F C 3-in-1 shampoo Am Em D G The finest triune soap to purify us through and through C F C Dm G It’ll make all others go to waste, you’ll feel so clean and new C F C Dm G C Am There’s nothing that can take the place of 3-in-1 shampoo, me lads Dm G C 3-in-1 shampoo! C F C Dm G C It started with a bunch of Christian scholars one hot day C F C D G The smell was bad, but no one ever dared to take the blame F Em Dm G Philosophizing on which bathing habits they preferred C F C Dm G C They started up an argument to get the final word Am Em 3-in-1 shampoo, me lads F C 3-in-1 shampoo Am Em D G The finest triune soap to purify us through and through C F C Dm G It’ll make all others go to waste, you’ll feel so clean and new C F C Dm G C Am There’s nothing that can take the place of 3-in-1 shampoo, me lads Dm G C 3-in-1 shampoo! C F C Dm G C Arius led hot debate for soap supremacy C F C D G With other cleansers all derived from it subord’nately F Em Dm G His rival Athanasius said, “That’s why your hair’s so dry,” C F C Dm G C “Conditioner and shampoo are both equally divine.” Am Em 3-in-1 shampoo, me lads F C 3-in-1 shampoo Am Em D G The finest triune soap to purify us through and through C F C Dm G It’ll make all others go to waste, you’ll feel so clean and new C F C Dm G C Am There’s nothing that can take the place of 3-in-1 shampoo, me lads Dm G C 3-in-1 shampoo! C F C Dm G C If all three are combined in one, will each one work as well? C F C D G Each dissident condemned diverse opinions down to hell F Em Dm G As sweaty theologians argued, none were getting clean C F C Dm G C Until Emperor Constantine said this to intervene: C F C Dm G C "Though different functions still remain, each one serves to clean C F C D G And equally performs their role through shared divinity F Em Dm G G7 One is not the other, though the whole performs as each." C Dm G C And you can start a schism if you ever disagree! Am Em 3-in-1 shampoo, me lads F C 3-in-1 shampoo Am Em D G The finest triune soap to purify us through and through C F C Dm G It’ll make all others go to waste, you’ll feel so clean and new F Em You’ll never stink and ne’er be late Dm G C From dust to dust you’ll wash in haste F G C Dm G C There’s nothing that can take the place of 3-in-1 shampoo!