True Story Words and music by Leslie Fish © 1995Chorus: Harmless historical nuts, Who wear boiler plate on their butts, Who dress up in clothes from the twelfth century, To bash on each other with sticks and debris, And make up the world's largest private army, Harmless historical nuts. As I was out shopping, expecting no harm, Two big FBI men grabbed me by the arm, Dragged me into a cellar, shone lights in my eyes, Demanding full answers without any lies, About a new threat to good patriotism, This "Society for Creative Anarchism." I said "They're just . . . Harmless historical nuts, Who wear boiler plate on their butts, Who dress up in clothes from the twelfth century, To bash on each other with sticks and debris, And make up the world's largest private army, Harmless historical nuts." I answered, "'Tis true, to that club I belong, But pardon me gentlefolk, you've spelled the name wrong. Now I swear by the Cross and the Host and the Chrism, That last word is actually 'anachronism'. It just means 'outdated'. Pray why don't you look, In Sir Merriam Webster's reliable book? It says we're just . . . Harmless historical nuts, Who wear boiler plate on their butts, Who dress up in clothes from the twelfth century, To bash on each other with sticks and debris, And make up the world's largest private army, Harmless historical nuts." When finally persuaded to look up the word, They blushed and they winced hard enough to be heard. They hastily set me back out on the street, But I knew 'twasn't over and once more we'd meet. So I passed on the warning to realms far and near, To give the impression for all the next year, That we're just . . . Harmless historical nuts, Who wear boiler plate on their butts, Who dress up in clothes from the twelfth century, To bash on each other with sticks and debris, And make up the world's largest private army, Harmless historical nuts. And soon enough four infiltrators came in, All snooping for politics, sniffing for sin. Three went away again, scratching their heads, But the fourth quit his job and turned stick jock instead. He's won coronets, he's in love with the sport, And we still have a copy of his last report. It says we're just . . . Harmless historical nuts, Who wear boiler plate on their butts, Who dress up in clothes from the twelfth century, To bash on each other with sticks and debris, And make up the world's largest private army, Harmless historical nuts.