The Devil Made Texas - Brian Dewan

Oh the devil in Hell they say he was chained And there for a thousand years he remained He neither complained and nor did he groan But decided he’d start up a hell of his own Where he could torment the souls of men Without being shut in a prison pen So he asked the Lord if He had any sand Left over from the making of this great land The Lord, He says yes, I have plenty on hand But it’s way down south on the Rio Grande And to tell you the truth, the stuff is so poor I doubt it would do for a hell anymore So the devil went down and looked over the truck And he said as it came as a gift he was stuck For once he examined it careful and well He decided the place was too dry for a hell So the Lord, just to get the stuff off of His hands Said He’d promise the devil He’d water the lands For He had some old water that wasn’t no use A regular bog hole that stunk like the deuce So the grant it was made and the deed it was given The Lord, He returned to His place up in Heaven The devil soon saw he had everything needed To make up a hell, and so he proceeded He scattered tarantulas over the roads Put thorns on the cactus and horns on the toads He sprinkled the sand with millions of ants So the man who sits down must wear soles on his pants He lengthened the horn of the Texas steer He added an inch to the jackrabbit’s ear He put water puppies in all of the lakes And under the rocks he put rattlesnakes He wove thorns and brambles all over the trees He mixed up the dust with jiggers and fleas The rattlesnake bites you, the scorpion stings The mosquito delights you by buzzing his wings The heat in the summer’s a hundred and ten Too cool for the devil and too hot for men And all that remained in that climate soon bore Stings, bites and scratches, and blisters galore He quickened the buck of the bronco steed He poisoned the feet of the centipede Where the wild boar roams and the black chaparral It’s a hell of a place that we’ve got for a hell He planted red peppers beside of the brooks The Mexicans use them in all that they cook Just dine with a Mexican and you will shout "I've got hell on the inside as well as the out!"