Mormon Con
Words by Michael Liebmann
TTTO Heaven-Con by Kathy Mar


	There are Marriotts in the sky for all the Mormons when they die.
	The way you lived your life on Earth determines which hotel you'll go to.
	Bring your favorite wife, and you're guaranteed eternal life.
	It just goes on and on, when you're dead enough to go to Mormon Con.

Celestial level's absolutely heaven
The floors and walls are carpeted with gold.
You feel just like a certain gal named Dorothy
_As she went down the yellow-brickéd road.

The prophets call you out to pray once yearly
Then tell you all to pray for all you're worth
They ask you for advice on Mormon doctrine
And ask how to spread peace upon the Earth.

	There are Marriotts in the sky for all the Mormons when they die.
	The comfort of your bed's determined by the life you lived to build it.
	Bring your seventh wife and you're guaranteed eternal life.
	It just goes on and on, when you're dead enough to go to Mormon Con.

Terrestrial level's just like Salt Lake City
Where temperatures can go from low to high,
And if you find you need some special clothing,
Go down the street and shop ZCMI.

The prophets call to worship comes each Sunday;
They do not talk of brimstone or of fire.
And then you go to hear from the dead members
Of the Salt Lake City Tabernacle Choir.

	There are Marriotts in the sky for all the Mormons when they die.
	Be nice to all the Jews you meet or you'll be sent to Outer Darkness
	Bring your thirteenth wife and you're guaranteed eternal life.
	It just goes on and on, when you're dead enough to go to Mormon Con.

Telestial level's in the Gobi Desert.
Amenities within your room are few.
The drink machines have only Pepsi Cola,
Hot coffee, Diet Coke and Mountain Dew.

The prophets call you out to prayer each weekday.
The services are 15 hours long.
And when you make your way into the nightclub.
You'll find you've been immortalized in (a nearly-dogmatically corect, 90%+
	pro-Mormon, written by a twice-transplanted New York Jewish filker, who
	when he's done with this gig gets to go back to his home so he can go
	to work the next morning) song!

	There are Marriotts in the sky for all the Mormons when they die.
	You will not get into a Hilton. They are not owned by the Mormons.
	Each and every wife can help guarantee eternal life.
	It just goes on and on, when you're dead enough to go to Mormon Con.