Spoken intro:
I’d like to play a song I wrote---
‘Course I had some help---from Gandalf the Grey,
It might sound a little familiar, because he got it from his friends---
The Eagles really do solve all our problems don’t they.
In a deep mountain tunnel, cold sweat in my hair
Sharp smell of the phoshpides, smoking up through the air
Groped around in the darkness, I saw a glimmering light
My heart grew heavy but my face grew thin
No one could see me just right. . .
There he stood in the gateway;
I heard the goblins drum [Drumming on the sound board]
He wanted some riddles from me
Crowded my space so that I’d give him one. (+1)
When I cheated at wordplay, he still showed me the way
There were voices down the goblin hall,
I thought I heard them say
Welcome to the Hotel Grandpa Tolkien
[Spoken, Gollum voice:] Such a preciousssss place (such a preciouss place)
Every landmark race.
Plenty of room at the Hotel Grandpa Tolkien
Any time of year (any time of year) you can find us here
His mind is definitely-twisted, he got the landscaping trends,
He got a lot of pretty, pretty elves, that he calls friends
Now we write in his courtyard, all making our bets,
Some write to remember, [Spoken:] some write to forgets-es
So I called the Professor,
'Can’t I write something new?'
She said, 'Good luck finding that tale, man you know how he’s influenced you. . .
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of your draft
Just to hear them say
Welcome to the Hotel Grandpa Tolkien
Such a Preciousssss place (such a precious place)
Just another race.
Writin’ it up at the Hotel Grandpa Tolkien
We can edit clips (We can edit clips), bring your manuscripts
Dragons on the mountain,
And hairy dwarves in stone
And she said, 'we are all just prisoners here, in his old ho-ome,
And in the master's chambers,
Writers gathered for the roast
You stab him with your inky pens,
But you just can't kill the Host
Last thing I remember, I was
Lying on the floor
Trying to get that passage back to the way it was before
'Relax' said the night man,
'We are programmed to receiveses.
You can author any book you like,
But you can never leaveses, precious!'