Aren't I kind to allow you to live in my house?
Aren't I gracious to grant you the use of my chair?
Aren't I wonderful when I give you a dead mouse?
Aren't I utterly, totally, beyond compare?
And don't you admire the virtues you see
In marvelous, lovely, magnificent me-ow
Me-e-e-ow-wow-wow, me-ow, me-e-e-ow
I will carefully shed just selected dark hair
When I'm lying on all the white laundry you did;
And the white hairs will go, when I bother to lair,
On black velvet, where they can't be brushed off or hid.
They look so much better that way, you'll agree!
They'll remind you of lovely, magnificent me-ow
Me-e-e-ow-wow-wow, me-ow, me-e-e-ow
If you try to insist that I live on dry food,
I will either look thin, and pathetic, and sad,
Or I just might do something disgusting and rude
Such as eat it, then throw up all over your bed.
Only chicken, and liver, and fish, naturally
Are fit for the palate of marvelous me-ow
Me-e-e-ow-wow-wow, me-ow, me-e-e-ow
I really don't understand why you should look
At anything else or have things in your hands
So I'll patiently lie on your papers or book
To suggest that you treat me as my rank demands.
You really should pet me when your hands are free.
It's a privilege to fondle magnificent me-ow
Me-e-e-ow-wow-wow, me-ow, me-e-e-ow
For just when you're maddest at something I've done
I'll go do something else that's so touching or sweet
That's so charming, adorable, silly, or fun
It'll just knock the stockings clean off of your feet.
You know you can't win, so why fight it, you see?
I know you're a sucker for marvelous me-ow
Me-e-e-ow-wow-wow, me-ow, me-e-e-ow
I know you're a sucker for marvelous me!