Drivel Words by Jane A. Robinson TTTO Bamboo by Dave Van RonkD C You come up with a theory, a questionable theory, D C But you've got to prove the theory if you're going to write a paper... D C D Ohh, no-oh science! You gather up some data, you bias all the data, Then manipulate it shamelessly and throw it in the paper... Ohh, still no science! Refrain: D C D D C D Drivel, she come down!... Drivel, she come down! You take a stack of numbers, a random stack of numbers, Then you tidy up the numbers so they look good in the paper... Ohh, oh-HO! Science! You take a big statistic, an undefined statistic, Then remove it from its context so it fits into your paper... Ohh, still more Science! Refrain So now you've got your theory all dressed up with statistics, And you organize your paper so it reasons in a circle... Ohh, social science! You leap to some conclusions--they needn't fit your data-- But you've got to have conclusions if you're gonna end your paper... Ohh social science! Refrain Of course you need a buzzword, a nice impressive buzzword, So you settle on "empirical" and put it in your title... Ho-hum, snow 'em, science! And now you have a paper with an unsupported theory In a big, prestigious journal to enhance your reputation... Ruthless, truthless science! Refrain x2