Can't Do It Yourself
Words by Joel Polowin © 1994
TTTO Do it Yourself by Shamus O'Connor, arranged by Bill Sutton


    C
The curse of my existence is the gadgets that I see
  F                 C              G
I can't do much for them not doin' very much for me
     C
They clutter up my kitchen, and I know I'm not alone
       F            C                   G                C
'Cause I can't do a damn thing with the things I find at home!

	C
	Microwave and cuisinart, a hot dog cooking tool,
	F           C      G
	Stereo, CD, VCR--I feel like such a fool
	C                                                F
	Seven function wristwatch, and thirteen function phone
	    F            C                   G                C
	And I can't do a damn thing with the things I find at home.

I used to do my popcorn in a pot with a bit of oil
To do it in the microwave involved a bit less toil
But that thirty button microwave has met a ghastly doom
And now a popcorn pumper sprays the kernels round the room.

	Microwave and cuisinart, a popcorn flinging tool
	Stereo, CD, VCR--I feel like such a fool
	Thirteen function wristwatch, and twenty function phone
	And I can't do a damn thing with the things I find at home.

I used to cut up veggies with a cutting board and knife
But now I use a cuisinart to simplify my life
A twenty minute chopping job reduced to nothing flat
The gadget's half an hour to clean--what do you think of that?

	Microwave and cuisinart, a veggie chopping tool
	Stereo, CD, VCR--I feel like such a fool
	Twenty function wristwatch, and thirty function phone
	And I can't do a damn thing with the things I find at home.

I bought me a computer to run my taxes through
I've had a bit of trouble finding out what it can do
I can't make out the manuals, but I don't really care
Because my system plays a real good game of solitaire! (By itself)

	Microwave and cuisinart, a number crunching tool
	Stereo, CD, VCR--I feel like such a fool
	Thirty function wristwatch, and fifty function phone
	And I can't do a damn thing with the things I find at home.

I used to like my stereo, the CD thing's a hoot
The random access ten disk carrousel is really cute
There's a seven band receiver, but the whole thing has a twist
'Cause half the sounds remind me of the theme from "Exorcist."

	Microwave and cuisinart, a music mangling tool
	Stereo, CD, VCR--I feel like such a fool
	A micro in my wristwatch, and a mini in my phone
	And I can't do a damn thing with the things I find at home.

A television/VCR/Nintendo all in one
Satellite and cable feeds, they just enhance the fun
But programming the system just sometimes gets my goat
'Cause all the gadgets in my house run off just one remote!

	Microwave and cuisinart, a vidiotic tool
	Stereo, CD, VCR--I feel like such a fool
	I get backtalk from my wristwatch, and lose arguments
		with my phone
	(I'm sorry, Joel, but I can't let you do that...)
	And I can't do a damn thing with the things I find at home,
	No, I can't do a damn thing with the things I find at home.