Banned from Argo - The Next Generation

G C G After seventy-four long years the Argo people changed their minds, C G D7 And said they'd let us visit their fair planet one more time. G C G They figured we're a brand new crew, so how could it go wrong? C G D7 G But something did, and that is why we're singing you this song. Chorus (after every verse): C G And we're banned from Argo for all time, C G D7 Banned from Argo, though our visit was sublime. G D C G We had a lovely shore leave there for just a week or four, D7 G But they won't let us dock there anymore. Our gallant Gallic captain with his head so mirror clean, Stepped in an Argo bar just to observe the local scene. A drunk Ferengi used the captain's head to check his looks, And woke up in the hospital, his hands replaced with hooks. Our handsome, suave First Officer likes anything in skirts, And when he's playing poker, his opponents lose their shirts. He founds himself at table with a highlander from Earth, And now he swears he knows how women feel when giving birth. Our sensitive Ship's Counselor walked by the Argo Jail, And was hit by the emotions held by each and every male. The warden called us up and said, "You've got to beam her out! She's taking on my convicts, and she's wearing each one out!" Our lovely, widowed doctor found herself a big surprise, A man just like her husband, only doubled in one size. She introduced him to her son, and then was shocked to find That having sex with Mama was no longer on his mind. Our blind Chief Engineer's experience was rather slim. Not knowing what girls looked like was a sticking point with him. He fixed his VISOR so that he could see their proper shape, And ended up in court, arraigned on 30 counts of rape. Our green skinned android helmsman felt the need to build a mate, So when a ship leave came about, he'd always have a date. They found a cheap motel that had sex movies as the fare, And when the rescue crews arrived, the hotel wasn't there. Our good chief of security's a Klingon with some class, He led a pack of Romulans in a Klingon Catholic Mass, Or so he told the shore patrol when they came to claim the dead. He said they'd moved a bit too slow when told to bow their heads. Our youthful acting ensign fended off his mother's friend, And sought to give his shore leave a far more auspicious end. He made a human daisy chain like some had never seen, It took two turns through hyperspace and generated steam. The hostess of Ten Forward lounge has been a mystery, Like how she met the Captain, also just how old is she. She found a dear old friend who called himself the Wandering Jew, And they reminisced about the time they spent in Kathmandu.