Another Urban Legend - Bob Kanefsky

A smell pervaded the large ferry boat, Reaching even the crew on the bridge A smell rank and rotten as garbage, or death, As foul as the depths of your fridge. So strong was the odor, so putrid and vile, The passengers started to gag. And all of it came from a young teenaged girl, Whose hand held a brown paper bag. Ferryman, ferryman, give me a break. My parents stuck me with their cat when it died. Ferryman, would it be okay with you If I toss the thing over the side? She stood by the rail, with her hand on her hip, And said "This is, like, grody fer sure. It’s here in this bag, and it’s totally gross. I’m just too barfed out to endure. The condo we live in won’t bury a cat, For any amount we can pay. My mother and father are totally bummed, And want the thing dropped in the bay." Ferryman, ferryman, give me a break. My parents stuck me with their cat when it died. Ferryman, would it be okay with you If I toss the thing over the side? The ferryman frowned, and chewed on the hair That grew from his stiff upper lip. Now see here, young lady, I’ll not have your litter Be dumped from the side of my ship. We’d all like a chance to be rid of the stench, But litter is what it would be. And what do you think gives a land-lubber’s cat The right to be buried at sea? Ferryman, ferryman, give me a break. My parents stuck me with their cat when it died. Ferryman, would it be okay with you If I toss the thing over the side? The ferry sped on, and pulled into port, To the heartfelt relief of them all. The young girl jumped up, with her errand forgotten, And made her way straight to the mall. The captain got off and went shopping himself: For paintings of ships on the seas. For Old Spice cologne, and some sourdough bread, And six pounds of Limburger cheese. Ferryman, ferryman, give me a break. My parents stuck me with their cat when it died. Ferryman, would it be okay with you If I toss the thing over the side? "You’re back", said the captain, "And welcome aboard. I see you’ve disposed of the mess." "Oh m’god", said the girl, "Like, I totally spaced it! It’s still on the ferry, I guess." "Then find it at once! But I see it’s too late. For I’ve got a schedule to meet. It’s all thanks to you if this ship becomes known As the smelliest one in the fleet." Ferryman, ferryman, give me a break. My parents stuck me with their cat when it died. Ferryman, would it be okay with you If I toss the thing over the side? "I told you before, and I’ll tell you again: The answer is certainly not. This state has a law against offshore pollution, Or could it be you had forgot? Now here is your confounded brown paper bag, And soft, smelly contents within. Just take it ashore at the end of this trip. And I’ll thank you to keep it downwind." Ferryman, ferryman, give me a break. My parents stuck me with their cat when it died. Ferryman, would it be okay with you If I toss the thing over the side? The girl made it home, and (she) tiptoed upstairs To break the bad news to her folks. "But Darling, the thing in this bag isn’t Fluffy! This has to be one of your jokes!" "But Mother, that’s totally awesome", she said, For there in the grocery bag sat A six-pound package of Limburger cheese, And not the remains of the cat. Ferryman, ferryman, give me a break. My parents stuck me with their cat when it died. Ferryman, would it be okay with you If I toss the thing over the side?