A Look at Things That Don't Exist

G C G Nothing is Science unless we have evidence; A7 D7 A7 D7 Things can't leave traces unless they are there. G C G Without concrete data we must express hesitance-- C G D7 G Spurious Beasties had better beware! G D7 C G Ware, ware, better beware! A7 D7 Sometimes the truth can be terribly dull. G C G Next time a sea monster clambers aboard with you, C G D7 G Feed it a fish-head and call it a gull! Nothing is Science unless it is testable; Experiments don't work when nothing is there. Opinion and hearsay are simply detestable-- Psychokinetics had better beware! Ware, ware, better beware! Things that aren't there are not there, and that's that! Next time a poltergeist tears up your livingroom, Clean up the mess--blame it all on the cat! Nothing is Science unless it is quantified; Just try to measure a thing that's not there! Numbers legitimize, render things bona-fide: Hunches and feelings had better beware! Ware, ware, better beware! You can be blinded by stars in your eyes! Next time you're seized by emotions most passionate, Take out your ruler--determine their size! Nothing is Science unless it's disprovable; Can't disprove something when nothing is there! Knowledge is power and Truth is immovable-- Myth and religion had better beware! Ware, ware, better beware! If it's not there, there's no grief it can bring! Next time you're struck by divine revelation, Remember Saint John and forget the whole thing! Nothing is Science unless it's repeatable; One isn't valid--there must be a pair! Strict repetition of facts is unbeatable-- Little green aliens better beware! Ware, ware, better beware! Things don't exist if they're truly unique. Next time a space ship alights on your patio, It's not there until it comes back twice a week. Science lends credence, defines our reality, States its decrees with definitive air, Claims to be fair and without partiality, But won't even glance at the things that aren't there! Ware, ware, better beware! Science takes notes as the world trundles by, Points factual fingers at blind faith and innocence, Missing the mote in its own sterile eye!